Perspective Changes

Our family has turned into one of Those families. You know the ones. The ones that spend their whole days at the hospital, their lives revolving around visiting hours and doctor's rounds.Going in to visit about once an hour, just for a couple hours, alternating between hoping they are more awake than the last time you saw them, or more zonked out, when at least they are peaceful and not anxious, confused, and afraid. Every little change is analyzed, then reanalyzed. Every shred of information gained deserves a new round of phone calls.

The meaning of the phrase "have a good day" has changed. Sunday was a good day because he didn't need brain surgery. Monday was a good day because he was off the ventilator and out of the induced coma. Today was a good day because he was on more drugs and able to rest more. Monday and Tuesday were good days because he recognized us.

And then there are the ways we try to keep ourselves going. We have "our" spot in the waiting area- under the middle rose trellis, across from the library, where we can see people come in and see him go by when he goes for another CAT Scan. We like it because the foilage of the roses is peaceful and makes us feel somewhat semi-private. Every day we pick another puzzle out of the library to do. So far we have done three puzzles, with pictures of each completed one. This is what gives us stability.

We have also been reaching out to others. We have requested, and received so much prayer. We have encouraged visitors- not to visit Dad, but to visit us. New ears to hear us rehash all the details and to provide us with details of what is happening outside of our rose trellis.

We try not to think about the future- everything is so uncertain and no one will be able to tell us what the future will look like for a long time. We have no idea what changes we will have to make in our lives, or if he will even be the same man as before. That is why we ask for prayer. Even when we can't pray for anything more than just the "please, God", we know that there are others out there with the faith for a complete healing petitioning for it to happen.

Your perspective on life changes- what used to be problems fade in importance. Who cares about the trivial?Other changes are less apreciated- the loss of stability and familiar surroundings in my home leaves me feeling unsettled. Like there is nowhere that remains safe and familiar. I have to find new coping skills- usually when I am feeling this uncertain and unsettled, I go and I talk to my dad. I can't do that this time.

At the same time though, I can feel God close by. He had seemed so far away for so long, but now that I know He is my only hope, I have opened up and am feeling Him close to me. This helps give me peace.