Risk and Effort

A couple of months ago I was talking to a friend that had hidden themselves away from society for months at a time. I was telling this friend that it is important to get themselves out there, to socialize, to put in the effort to be around other people.

I then went on vacation to my double camp adventure, the friend moved and hopefully has been taking my advice, and I have been remarkably unsociable. It has been two months, and other than church, I have been out socially only five times (one lunch with a friend, one appetizers with people from work, young peoples that turned into watching tv, and one bachalorette party, one baby shower) and there are friends that I have not talked to in that entire time. This lack of socialization has not been good for my mental health (see previous post).

You know what happened? I didn't put in the effort. I got in adequate social time over lunch with my coworkers and adequate compainionship with my sister and cat in the evenings. Church on the weekends kept me up to date on the biggest news, but no socializing beyond the commen niceities (hi how are you, i'm fine how are you, doing good enjoying work, i'm enjoying work too, good service eh, ya definately good service). Effort isn't being put into young peoples, so I know I am not alone in this.

Sometimes, I get grumpy, cuz I know that other people are still maintaining their friendships and still socializing. But you know what? I haven't taken the risk. I haven't called anyone up and invited them out for lunch, I haven't tried to organize board game night at my house (mainly because that would involve cleaning my house- too much effort), I haven't even called anyone to catch up- heck, I haven't even been starting facebook conversations. I regularly am on facebook, appearing offline, because I get annoyed when my bejewelled blitz gets interuppted. Isn't that sad? and lame? See? No risk. When I don't risk anything, I am not rejected, no one says no, I don't have to suffer through an awkward conversation or risk planning something and being stood up. No risk.

You know what else? I have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and never had anyone who actually knew me try to persue me- and I am about to turn 24. I am starting to wonder if it isn't something simular- no effort, no risk. There are a couple times I can think of that if I had put in the effort or taken a risk it may have turned into something, but now it's too late. A couple times when I was too quick to reassure someone I was happy with the status quo, or 'casually' mentioned this other guy I was talking to, or maybe didn't recipricate someone else's risk. The few times I took a risk it didn't pay off and maybe that was cuz I only took a risk inside my own head and never took a risk anyone else but my best friends could notice.

And I still don't know if anything would be worth the risk. It's much easier to stay at home and comfortable with my sister and my cat and my weekly dates with How I Met Your Mother, Chuck, Big Bang Theory, Glee, Modern Family, Bones, Office, AFV, Friends, What Not To Wear, bejewelled blitz, and my ever growing collection of romance novels.

But I don't want to be forty and still doing this.