So lately I have not been the most cheerful or most optimistic Blogger. Why? Well, I have been quite effective at distracting myself from my problems (I am very good at it. Even though I recognize it for what it is, which is a somewhat ineffective coping mechanism.) It is ineffective because it does not get dealt with and stockpiles until I have nothing to distract myself with- which usually happens during prayer meeting.

At least my dad is there to give me a hug. That helps.

So I decided to try journalling it, which is a very effective therepy tool. I also refused to allow myself to use backspace (unless it was to correct spelling in the word I was on). I helped. My conclusions were:

• I am having issues dealing with my grandpa's illness. Yesterday we got yet another round of bad news. I am planning on calling my grandma tomorrow to send out another e-mail with her.
• I am suffering major stress regarding my finances. Major major stress. I have only worked three days this month, and it is showing.
• I am spending too much time alone in my apartment. Thus, I wish I had a more active social life. In particular, a social life that does not include eating out. I had to stop that, and now I have no social life. It really is a lose-lose situation, this whole no eating out thing.
• I wish I had more stability in my life. In particular, job stability.
• I am facing a big change in my living situation, which is very stressful for me and everyone else involved- the whole not knowing what is going to happen thing.
• I am tired of spending Friday nights alone. I am also tired of not touching anyone in the week. I know it sounds wierd, but if babies need to be held and touched, I don't think that need goes away as an adult. So I want either another single friend to that likes hugs and hanging out on Friday nights or I want a boyfriend. I am leaning toward the boyfriend thing though. Though that could just be an additional stress, so who knows there?
• I wish I felt closer to God. I wish I could pray more. I know the onus is on me (distacting myself with TV is not conductive to this goal), but it is really hard to do for some reason, and I wish I knew why.

In short... I am stressed out. There you go. Sorry for the morbidness of this post.